Don't Cry for Me, Suckas

Dear Former Gov. McGreevey, Sen. Craig., Sen. Ensign., President Clinton, et al.

Thanks for the invitation to join your club, The Swinging Skin Swords, which I must passionately decline. Why you would think I'd want to be part of your perverted little gang, I do not know. Question? Have you seen the chicks in Argentina? Have you? They're all smokin' hot! This is not about some chance encounter in a Minneapolis airport restroom, with a dude no less, this is the real thing. This ain't no middle-aged mid western staffer! This is the woman you actually give everything up for. You guys claimed to still love your wife! Are you kidding? I don't love my wife. I mean, I did, for like two semesters back at Yale, but that was a long time ago. I'm freakin' outta here. In two weeks, I'll be back in my yellow Speedo, walking the beaches with my--did I mention how hot she is?--Argentinian former mistress-now girlfriend. Suck on that, GOP.

Kindest Regards

Governor Mark Sanford