Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Health Care Journey




About a month or so ago, I received a letter from Blue Cross Blue Shield of Florida, my health care insurance company major medical provider. Like most Americans, I immediately placed the letter in my throw-away-later pile. This pile consists of other correspondence that should be opened and read, but won't be. Things from various charities, left-wing politicians, and other do-gooders.

For reasons unknown, I decided to open the letter, and was quite shocked at the content. Apparently, my health provider insurance carrier has an entire department devoted to auditing and reviewing premium payments. As the letter explained, I was actually being charged too much health insurance carrier premiums for the past six years. After a careful analysis, the auditor discovered that I was due a refund, which would be forthcoming.

Two days later, a gentleman showed up at my door. Well dressed, but not too well dressed, he introduced himself and explained that he was a field rep from BCBS of Florida, my insurance care health provider care company insurance, and that if I were so gracious to offer a few moments of my time, he would hand over a pretty nice-sized check. On a side note, over a glass of iced tea, the gentleman explained that he had been working for the company seven years, ever since he graduated college. In fact, he grew up in Detroit, poor as all get-out. Blue Cross of Michigan provided him with a full scholarship to attend Michigan State University. He was required only to intern at the company and work full time for one year after graduation, but found the experience so challenging, he decided to make a career our of it.

He explained that I would need to sign a few forms, which I gladly did, and he then presented me with a check for $2123.12.

Oh, but the story doesn't end there. A few days later, I was feeling ill. I made an appointment with my regular doctor, who took me that afternoon. Fairly certain he knew what ailed me, he nevertheless referred me to a world-renowned specialist, who also took me that very day. He explained that the issue would be quite serious if I lived in a third-world country like Canada, but American health care provisioning would take care of it, toute-suite. He excused himself and returned after making a quick call to my insurance health care company provider benefits company, who immediately approved the procedure.

Under a local anesthesia, the good Doctor and his capable staff of nurses performed a procedure, the name of which I still cannot pronounce. After a few hours in the well appointed recovery room, I was sent home, healthy as the proverbial horse. The entire system worked like a well-oiled machine, and yes, mistakes occasionally happened, but when they did, they were quickly corrected.

I was glad to pay my deductible and co-pay, which worked out to just over six dollars.

We have the best health insurance care benefits provider system in the world, and that fact cannot be disputed. So, don't be fooled by Obama-care government takeover socialism. Remember, your second amendment right to bear arms does not stop at the convention center door. Or on the sidewalk outside the U.N. Or at Camp David, if you happen to be out that way.

In closing, Eagles and Americans, freedom-loving yes-we-cans. Drill now, God has a plan.

P.S. I have no plans to run for Congress in 2010, but please feel free to continue asking.




Friday, September 4, 2009

Who Cares

Do you guys like impressions? Huh? Do ya?

Okay. This is my impression of your facebook status.

*deep breath*


"LOL Going to the store/school/work/beach/park/church/shopping/on a walk/bowling/to dinner/to lunch/to the gym/to work out LOL LOL LOL LMAO . . . Happy Friday! I hate Mondays! I can't sleep! I'm up early! I'm up late! Happy Friday! I'm tired! I'm sick! LOL LOL . . . Doing dishes/laundry/cleaning/need to do dishes/laundry/clean the house LMFAO . . . Read my blog! Come to my show! Buy my shit! OMG WTF LOL . . . I hate work/I love work/I am curiously indifferent to my place of employment . . . These are my politics/pay attention to my politics/I don't like Obama/I love Obama/whine/whine/whine/whine/whine/I said pay attention to my politics LOL LOL OMFG LOL LOL LOL . . . My kids/dog/cat/husband/wife/your momma/girlfriend/boyfriend did/said/is ____________ . . . OMFGLMAOZITLOL . . . Go Sports Team! Fuck that Sports Team! Your Sports Team Sucks/My Sports Team Rocks! LMAO . . . I'm cooking dinner/I'm making lunch/I'm fixing breakfast OMG . . . LOLHappyFridayI'mboredI'mboredLOLOLOLOLOLOLDidImentionmypoliticsLMAOI'mboredLOLOLOLXOMFTZ . . . Good morning! Good night! lol."



But, Robin, you put stuff like that in your status updates. What gives you the right to make fun of it here?


Well, I'm a stone cold hypocrite, so deal with it. LOL!!!!!! :)!! LMAOMF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL :):)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Death and To-Do Lists


The great comedian Al Romas recently came up with an idea that was then previously made into a fairly watchable movie starring Jack Nicholson and the surprisingly philandering Morgan Freeman. Mr. Romas' idea and the gist of the movie is that everyone should create a list of things they want to do before they die--a Bucket List-- and set about doing it.

I'm generally not willing to take others advice about how to live, and in fact, often do the opposite, but the idea has great merit and so I decided to create said Bucket List and share it with all of you.

I assure you all of the items on the list are true, and things I've thought about for some time but allowed to simply float, untethered, around my mind.

Also, my list consists of three hundred twelve items, so I've decided to highlight a few and perhaps publish the rest in book form, which, with any luck, will be made into a movie starring Christian Slater and Will Smith.

Number 42:
For one week, have the courage to use the phrase "It is my understanding" the same way TV pundits, politicians, and others of questionable character use it: as a license to lie with impunity.

For example:
Glenn Beck: "It is my understanding that the government will not only be able to, but actually required to euthanize the elderly.

Is that so?

Steve: "It is my understanding that Lindsay Lohan is, at this very moment, eating a Sno-Cone in my attic".

Or something like that.

Number 12:
Bribe a public official.

I believe that this would be quite exciting and slightly less risky than you might think.

Me: Assemblyman Davis, it appears that Mercedes is quite taken by you as she normally doesn't allow that sort of, ahem, handiwork. Oh, hey, did you drop this envelope? Anyway, about that zoning issue. I understand the city would rather I not build a thirty foot fence on my property, but I assure you I'm only doing it so that my Ferris Wheel isn't visible from the street. Now, what say? Do we have a deal?

Truthfully, it would probably be something on a slightly smaller scale, perhaps an off-the-books campaign contribution in exchange for lunch with the Mayor, but I find the mere possibility exhilarating.

Number 24:

Meet a celebrity worth meeting. In order:

1.
2.
3.

I want to do it, but for the life of me I can't come up with any. I think I'd like to meet Jesse James, husband of Sandra Bullock and all-around dude's dude.

Number 61

Give a homeless guy a one hundred dollar bill. Actually, let me back up a bit. I've had an idea for a book that I've wanted to write for some time. It's called "One Hundred Thousand Dollars Worth of Bums". It's basically a photo book of me going around the country, giving a thousand homeless people a hundred dollars each and then writing short vignettes about each meeting. The book would be met with outrage from self righteous sorts, but it would bring great attention to the failures of society to tackle this issue.

Anyway, I have to start somewhere. And I don't have a hundred grand.

Number 5:

Be the father of something besides a child.

There are thousands and thousands of people history remembers because they took the time to think or do something in a new and different way.

Les Paul was the Father of the Modern Guitar.

Things I'm uniquely good at:

1.
2.
3.

I'll have to work on this.

Number 3:
Visit a place that is on the State Department's list of Hot Spots.

These include place like Mogadishu, Port au Prince, and Detroit. Seriously, though. It's not a death wish. There are just some things you have to see with your own eyes, and I think the Khyber Pass is one of them.

"The past is past, the future is now", said Christopher Walken (as Christopher Walken) in some movie. He's right, you know.