The King of Pop

Dear Michael Jackson,

The heat, oh, the heat.

Thanks for dying, you crazy sum-bitch. Makes my little
peccadillo look like a moon-walk in the park. Moon walk. Get it?
Puns. I love 'em.

P.S. Also, thanks to Farah and Ed McMahon, and Billy Mays.
Oh, what the hell, that dead Iranian chick didn't hurt either. It really is all about timing.

Kindest Regards

Mark Sanford
S.C. Governor and Swinging Skin Sword Associate Member

Don't Cry for Me, Suckas

Dear Former Gov. McGreevey, Sen. Craig., Sen. Ensign., President Clinton, et al.

Thanks for the invitation to join your club, The Swinging Skin Swords, which I must passionately decline. Why you would think I'd want to be part of your perverted little gang, I do not know. Question? Have you seen the chicks in Argentina? Have you? They're all smokin' hot! This is not about some chance encounter in a Minneapolis airport restroom, with a dude no less, this is the real thing. This ain't no middle-aged mid western staffer! This is the woman you actually give everything up for. You guys claimed to still love your wife! Are you kidding? I don't love my wife. I mean, I did, for like two semesters back at Yale, but that was a long time ago. I'm freakin' outta here. In two weeks, I'll be back in my yellow Speedo, walking the beaches with my--did I mention how hot she is?--Argentinian former mistress-now girlfriend. Suck on that, GOP.

Kindest Regards

Governor Mark Sanford

Ahh, the wee people...

Robin and I are in Ybor City Friday night when we were approached for a cup-a-la-dollas. Normally, this would be an older, down on his luck fella. On this night, the stars aligned, and a pretty decent looking bearded dwarf laid down the ole "you're a nice looking couple" line. He told us scraight-up he wanted to get drunk. All I had on me was a hundo, a tensky, and three ones. Junior made a move for the ten, I told him he could have the three, "enough for a tall boy" I said without irony or hesitation. He thanked me and rode off into the night. Ahhhh. Some days just work out.