Celebrities, testicles and such...

I believe it was Cesar Romero who said "In celebrito veritas". This means "in celebrity, there is truth". I love celebrities. I like the one's who have earned it (George Clooney, c'mon now) and those who haven't (Caylee Anthony). Or is it Casey. I always mix up the dead kids' name with the famous mom. Don't you just hate that? I do that with Scott Peterson (famous, convicted) and Drew Peterson (famous, not yet convicted). I have Phil Specter down pretty well, although in my head I call him Pill Sphincter. Remember Robert Blake? Whenever they would show him, all I could think about was whatever happened to that bird? They live like 50 years.

List of celebrities who, if encountered, I would out of respect acknowledge (with a slight, nearly impercepible nod that would let them know that I know), and then completely ignore.

1. Morgan Freeman
2. Vladimir Putin (something about that guy I like, not sure why.)
3. Bobby Hill (star of the excellent reality series King of the Hill.)

Celebrities, who, if encountered, would receive a nut shot from yours truly. Back of the hand, flick of the wrist, right to the stones. They got it coming, and I aim to give it to 'em.

1. Donald Trump/KISS's Gene Simmons. I have long believed that they are the same person.
2. Sean Hannity. Long line, I know. I would do a fake nut shot. We'd both have a laugh. I'd do another fake, and another laugh. Around the fifth or sixth time, I drop him like a sack of wheat.
3. Nancy Grace/Jane Velez-Mitchell. Although they are not the same person, I believe they share a non-soul. They do have stones, though, I'll give 'em that. And if I see 'em, I'm-a gonna backhand 'em.