Curious

As I was walking to my part-time (does 4 hours a week count as part-time?) job this morning, I saw a pamphlet on the ground titled "Are You Curious About Yourself?" It was some sort of handout from those wacky Scientologists trying to get people to come into one of their facilities and check out their religion. I thought it was interesting that the hook was curiosity about oneself. Scientologists seem to have parted ways with the more traditional "Are You Curious About God?" "Are You Curious About the World?" schtick. This is maybe why so many celebrities are drawn to Scientology. They are probably curious about themselves. What makes me tick? they wonder. They often ponder, Who is going to set me straight about me? I am a mystery.

I think that's stupid. I'm not so curious about myself. I am not an infant delightfully discovering my own toes. I've had a few years to figure some shit out and I think I have a handle on who I am. I am, however, curious about a lot of other things. I'll share a few:

1. I'm curious about how my neighbors managed to move an entire household with one shopping cart. It took them three days, but they did it. Mattresses, couches, dresser drawers, you name it. One shopping cart. And where did they go? Obviously not far, but I haven't seen them since.

2. I'm curious about why it is that the friends I'm least curious about on facebook are the ones who constantly update their status. Like, ten times a day. Every day.

3. I'm curious about why somebody at my "part-time" job makes a pretty impressive mess in the bathroom every time I'm there and just leaves it. I wonder if they think no one will notice. I wonder who it is.

4. I'm curious about why anybody gives a crap what Perez Hilton thinks outside of the realms of self-promotion and making lots of money writing a blog.

5. I'm curious about urine-specimen cup etiquette. I had to provide one yesterday and I tried to hand it to the nurse and she was having none of that jazz. She backed away and pointed at the counter. So I tossed it to her. Bad manners?

6. Finally, I'm curious as to why no one told me I had neglected to zip up my fly after providing said urine sample. I had to find out for myself in the parking lot. Good looking out, Steve.